


Magneto Creates World Peace

by Maksvell



Category: Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), WandaVision (TV), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Bifrost, Blood and Gore, Broken Bones, Creative License, Don't worry, Gore, Impalement, Killing Nazis, Marvel Norse Lore, Murder, Nazis, Peanut Butter, Rainbows, Revenge, Thunder and Lightning, Unicorns, like a lot, the nazis get hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29743113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maksvell/pseuds/Maksvell
Summary: This is a fanfiction that was suggested by https://trashynishiki.tumblr.com/. Their suggestion was as follows: Through the liberal use of curse words, peanut butter, and rainbow unicorns, Magneto brings about world peace by murdering everyone. Hey, if everyone’s dead, then that means the fighting’s over for good, right?I interpreted multiple parts of the suggestion very liberally. Enjoy if that sounds like something you would like.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Magneto Creates World Peace

Who would have guessed that both Strucker Twins and their father were violently allergic to peanut butter? Turns out Max Eisenhardt did. He noticed, over the weird years that none of them were ever seen near any sort of peanut-based confectionary. All it took was a random gamble. A silly little act.

The Struckers lived in a fabulous mansion. Of course, it was everything you expected it to be. Everything was carved out in white marble except for the intense and cruel swastika murals that surrounded the Strucker twin’s sinister incest bed. He started with them first, mostly because they were nazis, but also because of the incest. He forced the dipshit, Andreas, awake and poured half a bottle of melted peanut butter down his throat. Anaphylaxis set in almost immediately and Magneto decided to roll him out of bed. He thought it would be rather rude of the dying man to wake up his shitty sister-wife.

Max then went on to do the very same to Andrea and her father Wolfgang. Magneto took very particular delight in killing him. Now, what you first need to understand is, but until that point, Magneto had killed so many nazis. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. Like more nazis that you could ever think possible. But he didn’t expect Baron Wolfgang Von Strucker to have fuzzy red footie pyjamas with a white swastika pattern, or to have an Adolf Hitler portrait blanket. It was quite possibly the most on the nose nazi bedroom he had ever been in. For this, he dipped his entire hand into a jar of Jif and forced it down the bald fucker’s throat.

That was the easy part.

Next came the acquisition of the unicorn. Magneto, being one of the most dramatic men to exist road a bicycle up the goddamn Bifrost and decided to parlay with Thor. Weird for him, mostly because he just thought Thor was a blonde prat. But, six pints in he managed to convince the thunder god to loan him a unicorn. Thor joined in on the strange rendition of the wild hunt. The two dramatic drunks road the horse down the rainbow bridge of Asgard and into the home of Johann Schmidt, better known as the Red Skull. The weird fucker didn’t stand a chance. He was seated at his table eating a tin of nazi-hash when low and goddamn behold a rainbow gate opens up in his dining room and in comes to a charging Magneto and Thor the thunder god on a goddamn unicorn.

Before he had any time to say anything bigoted the unicorn impaled him through the right lung. He screamed quite a bit and flailed.

“Please, for the love of god just let me go!” he screamed. “Kill me!”

And kill him they would, but not yet. First, the unicorn, who had been dubbed _Good Pietro_ forced him off of his horn and began to crush Skull’s limbs beneath his mighty hooves. Upon removal of the nazi’s limbs, Magneto strapped him to Thor’s back. Not unlike C-3po in Empire strikes back. Back on the Bifrost, sped along by the flight of mighty Good Pietro, the Red Skull was driven mad by the sheer cosmic beauty of the Bifrost. Before long the skull was a weeping mess who couldn’t stop muttering about Himmler or some other nonsense. They buried him up to his neck in the ground and proceeded to cover him with honey so the ants would eat away at whatever weird skin was on his red skull.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, for the love of god comment.


End file.
